Christmas Post 2 - Becoming Friends Again

 

Well - Chesie and I are friends again.  It took a couple of weeks to get comfortable with each other - that's not surprising - there were a lot of emotions running around through both of us.  It was an intense relationship and so it needed some time to find a new balance.  I am very glad though- I love Chesie and want us to be friends - I am happy we are.

Chesie is building a new house for himself over on Maupiti - one of our islands - a very nice house since Chesie is a great builder.  It is nice to stop over now and then to say HI, give him a kiss, get his opinion on my latest shopping for myself disaster, see how he is doing.  This morning I showed him my "return to neko island" look - it is rather a disaster i think - and Chesie was very nice.  He said - "well it is a bit extreme - sort of "bang - I'm here - but nice."  Hmmm - i think i should tone it down a bit.  I'll put a pic right here so you can advise.  Let me know what you think.

 

Speaking of love affairs and partnerships finding their way back to friendships, it is in the natural order of things - when something stops, there is a bit of a throwing around of stuff inside.  think of a car hitting a wall and stopping.  it is a jolt.  but hopefully the air-bags deploy and everyone gets out safely, hugs and kisses and makes sure no bones are broken, and then gets on the bus after the tow truck pulls the car away.

As Christmas continues to draw near, it is nice to reflect on that.  Love is what is important - not how you express it but just that you feel it and show it to the people about whom you care.

The fourth Sunday in Advent is coming - Christmas is almost here.  Can't you just taste the egg-nog :)

More on Love and Partners, Family and Friends as Christmas Draws Near

 

Let me not to the marriage of true minds (Sonnet CXVI)

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
   If this be error and upon me proved,
   I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

	-- William Shakespeare

I never took anyone out of my picks - or out of this blog,  just  because we are no longer together as lovers or partners.  That's not what love is about. 

Love does not disappear.  The people whom I have loved are still the finest people I have known - they are there for me when I need them.

And they are dear to me - as dear as anyone in my life.  They are the beating of my heart and the pulsing of my blood.  I would never want to be without them, even if love changes its form.

As life develops and as we grow, the people with whom we have shared passion and caring, love and concern, they don't leave us.  We may have had our problems, but in the end, I know that they will be by my side if I need them.  And they know that of me.

The people I have listed in my posts over time - Esmie and Nicho and Micah and Mak and Simon and Kat and Masa and Jamie and Celty - they are the true wealth that sustains you.  Their love moves with you through troubles, through hard times.  Even if life changes, their love does not.

As we move towards Christmas, as we traverse the journey that Advent represents, as we await like children the coming of the light and presents and food and eggnog and sweets and celebration, it is good to remember the real gift we celebrate  - the love of friends and family. 

Like the aphorism over the doorway of the Chapel by the Sea in SL that Mason Fredriksson built - "Unbidden, the Lord is present" - so too without having to ask, the love of these friends is given.  They are the manifestation of what the love of God would mean to us - in their hearts is the true meaning of spirit and divinity. 

If you are lucky enough to have that in your life, it's not something  you give up or toss away.  It is something you cherish for as long as you live.

Some thoughts on the question of ex-partners and friendships

 

Well first off people need to know that Chester and I are not partners anymore.  He told me a couple of days ago that he needed space, and it turned into our dissolving the partnership and him moving out.  Oh well, but I am still his friend and wish him the best - I hope he continues to do well and to be happy.

That led me to thinking.

People wonder sometimes about what happens when someone you love cannot, for some reason, be your partner or your spouse any longer.  This is a common problem in Second Life, where relationships don't always last. 

And friends and family also rush to the aid of one or the other partner, and so animosities build up.  This is not good.  Ugly breakups are just that - Ugly. We should try to keep them from being that.

Sure, when our feelings are hurt, we sometimes take pleasure in seeing or hearing those close to us challenge the person who is hurting us.  Sometimes those hurts are horrid, and intentional.  Sometimes they are unavoidable.  Sometimes they are just a personal sadness that things didn't work out.

In the midst of it we are not very clear.  We forget in those moments sometimes why we partnered in the first place.  Hurt gets in the way.  Or the pain of having to do a hard thing.

I have had two ex-partners.  One was formally a partner, one not.  One was with me for two intense and wonderful weeks, and one for 8 months of excitement and pleasure.  When each relationship broke up I was devastated.  I couldn't believe I would survive, and my family and friends had all they could do to hold me together.

They are both two of my most important people now - both of them people I love and cherish and would never want to hurt or see hurt.  Interesting - no one knows you like an ex-lover.  No one has the key to your heart in the same way.

Esmie was my first love in SL, and he is my best friend now.  When we split up I truly thought I would die.  I was so shattered.  I love Esmie now - I couldn't possibly live my life without him.  He is there to pick me up when I stumble.  He is there to hold my head when it hurts.  I love him, I love his partner Nicho, I love them both together.  Without Esmie I would be lost.

Micah was my second love.  I lived and breathed Micah for 8 months.  When Micah left I was so depressed that it was all I could do to breathe.  My friends and family all held me together and slowly I was able to work it through.  And in the end, I can say truthfully that I love Micah more than ever now, but in a different way.  He is there for me and I am there for him.  The love between us is stronger.  I would be lost without him too.

In this most recent time, my family has gathered round me and I am so grateful and feel so fortunate to have them. 

Mak and Simon - my SL brother and my brother-in-law - or my two brothers - are there with their arms around me in good times and in bad.  Where would I be without Simon and Mak - lost somewhere wandering.  Kat - my adopted SL mom - never fails to love me and to guide me.  Nicho and Esmie fly to my side, and care about and for me without stopping, and Micah holds my well being in his heart and is there when i am down- lifting me up. 

Mak and Simon, Kat, Esmie and Nicho, and Micah - they have formed the bedrock of my support - they love me and I love them, and they are allowed to yell at me when I am stupid and to hold me when I hurt, and they all do it with love and caring that is amazing.  I love them all, and couldn't live without them.  They keep me sane.

We learn from these experiences.  And we grow from them too, and the hurting doesn't last forever, even though we think it will.

That's all I can think of to say at the moment.  I am still more or less in the middle of my feelings about this.  But I wanted to let you all know. 

Chesie and I are friends now.  And over time I hope he will be as close to me as Esmie and Micah are - when the dust settles and when we both realize that love doesn't stop, it just changes.

My Goodness - It's been a long time

Well, it has been a long time since I posted to the blog.  Exactly one month, actually.  Chesie put up a post to his blog so it got me thinking - time to update the news.

Since Chesie and I were partnered exactly one month ago - November 7 - a month ago yesterday - life has been wonderful.  Chesie is the sweetest and warmest partner - I love him very much and spend hours with him while he builds.  We sit together and I do my work - and he does his - and we cuddle and keep company together.  I have more or less given up my neko look, but I love kissing Chesie's neko ears - and licking his nose - and rubbing his tummy.

Here is Chesie:

 

I can snuggle with him for hours.  :)

 

So here is the news:

1.  Chesie built us a new house - he got tired of the old one so he built a new one - in less than 24 hours.  He is amazing.  It is very South Pacific - a style he likes - the house is in many different buildings - you walk on wooden walkways from one part to the other - it is very outdoors.  I love it - I haven't bumped into anything in a long time :) although I do still get lost trying to find the kitchen.

2.  Chesie is building full time for CNDG.  The newest project is almost done - Mak and Chesi and Nicho are all building, Esmie is the assistant manager - helping Kat who is the general manager, and the builders are working under RJ who is the master builder and designer.  I just watch - having no talent - and keep the bank :).  it is awesome.

3.  Christmas is coming - Esmie and Nicho are having a party, our house is decorated for christmas, and the season's spirits are starting to rise.  It's too early for a formal Christmas post but there will be one soon.

Here are some recent pictures - i hope you like them.

 

Sitting with Chesie while he builds the new house

 

Construction Equipment in the build sandbox

 

And here are some of the new house all set up for Christmas.  I don't know if you can see the trains under the tree but they toot as they go around :)

 

 

 

More to come -

Thanks Chesie - it is a really wonderful house.

I love you Wallaby.

:)

Our First Night as Partners :)

 

 

Chesie and I spent a lovely day together today - it is such a joy to be his partner.  We got rings - which had bling which we didn't want - and Celty came and took out the bling. Celty can fix anything.  :)

We gave Simon a present - Simon passed his Master of Fine Arts in Music examinations yesterday - his recital was a great success and he passed with honors.  We gave him a mandolin and a guitar - lovely instruments from Bill Havercamps Guitar Palace - and he liked them a lot.

Chesie decided to make a mock combat space - like a paintball field - for game playing - he and Esmie love to run around shooting each other LOL.  Here we are sleeping in it - he was building and got tired so we just crashed up there.

Altogether a lovely day. 

This is a picture done by my wonderful Chesie - and I think of it more or less as our signature picture - :)

 

Altogether a wonderful partner - I love you Mr. Howley sir - :) - my wallaby.

Today Chesie and I became Partners

Becoming partners is an important step. 

To me, it means we are there for each other, through anything and everything, for as long as we breathe the same air.  It means we do life together, we plan together, we decide together.  It means we love each other, and are there for each other.  It means we are loyal, we are devoted, and that we are, for each other, the one who comes before all else.

It means I love him.  It means he loves me.  It means we share.

Every day I get to know Chesie better, and every day I find that I really don't want to be without him.  Every day I find that my time with him is more alive, more real, than is my time away from him.  Every day I love him more and more.

Every day I find I wake and rush to him.  Every day I see I won't sleep well if he doesn't hold me.  Every day I want to be with him more and more, and every day I find him more beautiful, more handsome, more interesting and fascinating and sexier than I could possibly imagine.

That's what partner means to me.  It means I love you wallaby.  It means I want to be with you for as long as I can see into the future.

I love you Chester Howley.  It's the the ground on which I stand.

Well i am using the new Windows Live Writer

For any of you who haven't tried the new Windows Live stuff - it is awesome.  It is a bundle that works with Hotmail, Blogging, photos, Live Messenger, and Live Search.

You download it from here - it is free:

Windows Live betas

and it all integrates.  so far it hasn't turned my computer into an anchor and my HD into a Frisbee.

 

try it i think you'll like it - this post is created with it.  LOL

let me know what you think.

Chesie built us a new house. That in itself isn't so amazing. But it is a beautiful and big new house - made totally from scratch by my Chesie. And - he built it in about 10 hours. That is amazing.

It is big and cosy and lovely and wonderful - like my Chesie - and he built it for me because I told him I was tired of bumping into walls when I walk and not being able to open doors and go up stairs. So it is wide and open - and has no doors only archways, and the stairs are wide enough for two at a time.

Thanks Chesie - no more bruises - yay - LOL.




Here are some more photos - they are really cuddle pic's but the house is where we are. Maybe Chesie will do some architectural photos and give them to me to post.

Chesie will be putting his build stuff up on SL Exchange. Anyone looking for anything like it should check out Chesie's listings - just do a search for Chester Howley. It is amazing. (not to mention comfy and cosy.)

Chesie is most happy when he is building. I sit with him for hours sometimes while he does - we snuggle on a flying cusion or blanket (hehe) and he zooms around with his camera angle getting things just right. When Chesie goes into the zone - time stops.

Pretty soon we will have a commercial SIM through CNDG - and then all Chesie's stuff will be out for viewing, as well as other stuff done by our designers - Mak and Nicho and Esmie and, of course, RJ. I'll let you know when it's ready.

Chesie

So - Here is Chesie. His full name is Chester Howley. He is wonderful. Chesie is the sweetest, kindest, gentlest man. He is sexy and funny and always fun to be with. Chesie and I can sit for an hour and work - each on his own projects, and say 3 words during that time and be perfectly happy and content. Or we can do things intensely together, and just meld as a team and enjoy - and we can explore and dance and, of course, make love.

For example, right now, as I am writing this entry, Chesie is building us a new house. Our third in the past month. (Chesie loves to build). He is totally involved and "in the zone" - I stood in front of him for minutes tonight before he realized I was there. I love it - he does what he does with total engagement - including, hehe - including - well including making love with me.

Chesie lives in Australia. Time zones are a challenge - he is 14 hours ahead of me - when i am going to bed - at 11 at night- he is hitting the begining of his afternoon - 1 pm. Chesie cuddles me when i go to bed.

When I wake up Chesie is there - sometimes at my side in bed - sometimes off building or working on his magazine (Chesie is the editor-in-chief of Dirt- a gay fashion magazine in Second Life). He is there to say good morning to me, and to hold me and wait for me to wake up.

When Chesie goes to bed (about noon or 1pm my time) I hold him in my arms, and when he wakes up (about 8 or 9 or so my time in the evening) I am there to greet him and hold him. I love it. And I love him.

We are boyfriends. We are taking it one step at a time - Chesie has moved in with me in Safe Harbour and we live together in the houses he builds. We are faithful to each other - absolutely - we have promised each other that and more. And each day my love for Chesie grows - and I tell him so. Each day i am more and more sure - that I want to be with him all the time - for all time - because - well so many because'es - but when I am with Chesie I am filled with a wonderful sense of peace - calm - love - safety - truth - and, of course, desire. I love him and he makes me feel whole and complete.

I have inserted pictures of him - and of us - here in this post. I will put up more posts very soon - things we did and do - houses - constructions - things about our life.

But this is an introduction - not a biography. So let me introduce you to Chester Howley - my man - my love - who makes me feel so right and sure.

I love you Chesie - and each day I love you more.

Thanks for loving me my wallaby - it means the world to me.

Ok, so here's the truth

Ok, So here's the truth - sometimes love hurts. Sometimes it hurts a little bit, and sometimes it hurts a whole lot. In any life - Real or Virtual, First or Second, call it what you will - it doesn't make any difference in the end. We are who we are, and when we love, sometimes it hurts.

Sometimes the hurt is because the people we love are hurting - or were hurt - and we can't stand not being able to fix it. Sometimes the hurt is because we can't contain the love we feel, and it spills out over us and our emotions run away with us. Sometimes it is because things don't work out, and the pain of separation is unbearable. But - sometimes it hurts.

The antidote for that pain and hurt must be here - we just need to find it. And the antidote has to be - forgiving. It is the Jewish New Year now - Rosh Hashana - and the "10 Days of Awe" end with Yom Kippur - the Holy Day of Atonement - and the end of the atonement is - Forgiveness. I am a Catholic - which means that actually I am Jewish - think about it - Jesus was, umm, exactly what religion again - oh yeah - Jewish. He was called Rabbi - oh yeah, remember?

In Yom Kippur the community - the whole people beg for forgiveness, and as a part of that process all debts must be forgiven first, all imagined wrongs done to us forgiven. Jesus taught that - good Rabbi that he was - remember -?? -"Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us." Sound familiar?

Not - I'll forgive if you forgive - no bargains. Not I'll forgive if I can figure out what I was pissed about in the first place and justify it. Nope - much simpler - let it go. Just let it go. I have to let it go if I want to find forgiveness for myself - if I want you to love me, I have to love you. If I want you to forgive me, I have to forgive you. I can't start it with "you" - it has to start with "I", "me", I have to start. And if you don't forgive me, I still must forgive you, it is all I can do.

What a season - 9/11, Yom Kippur - what a time.

I once wrote a blog piece about "sometimes we don't tell the people we love that we love them often enough". It is still here in the blog somewhere - you can search for it.

There is only one cure for what ails the world - the simple statement - "I love you. I forgive you. I love you."

Try it. It might feel good, and stop the hurt.

Happy New Year 5768 everyone.

As The World Turns

So it isn't September 11 anymore. It is September 12. We remembered. We stood together in silence, in prayer or in just thoughfulness, we had special memorial services, we had masses and we sang. We heard bells. We lit candles. We saw the faces of the children who had lost parents on TV, and the faces of the parents who had lost children.

And the war goes on. Car bombings, homes destroyed, civil war. Darfur. Iraq. Destruction. Chaos. Death.

What did we learn, from standing silently? What did we do, to make the world change? How does remembering help?

The simple answer - it helps to remember so we will act. It helps to remember so we will DO.

Shakespeare had Hamlet's uncle say "my words rise up, my thoughts remain below. Words without thoughts never to heaven go." He was praying for forgiveness or for guidance. It was useless - he was not really interested in understanding, or so it would seem. Is our government, is Osama Bin Laden, are any of the terrorists, praying for understanding? Or for victory.

Make a difference - today. Help an old person carry packages - deliver food - smile to someone.

It is all we can do and it is what is needed. We don't believe that - we believe we have to do more - so we don't even do that. But if we all did that, there would be no more.

Once again, it becomes quite simple - it has been said a thousand times in every language, in one form or another- treat others as you would be treated. Love others as you would be loved.

9/11 isn't a day- it is a call - it is a reminder that we dont' treat others as we would be treated.

In the end, it is all have - remembering.

September 11, 2007 - 6 years later

Today is September 11 - a day that will always be remembered as a day that the world as we knew it changed. After you read this - please go to Esmie's blog - there he talks about this also in a moving and caring post which brings tears to my eyes.

Today all over the US and in many parts of the world people will observe a moment of silence at 8:46 am Eastern Daylight Time - NYC time for me. My grandfather used to talk with people and say - "Where were you on Pearl Harbor Day, do you remember that December 7?" And my father would say - "Do you remember where you were in November, the day that Kennedy was shot?" We now have our own "Do you remember.." for our generation. I don't think we really wanted one. But we have it now.

I was in school and we received news that something had happened - it was chaos because no one knew what it was. At first we thought it was a terrible accident, and then the second plane hit and we all realized that it was not an accident but a terrible event - a terrorist attack of surprising and unbelievable brutality.

I knew two people in the building, and about a dozen in the surrounding buildings. No one I knew was killed, but my cousin and others I knew ran through the dust and smoke, one of my family friends carried a co-worker out on his back.

It was terrible - and the terror lastedl. The smell filled NYC for months. The first three days the skies were empty - all flights grounded, and it was an awesome and frightening silence.

For a long time I wouldn't fly anywhere, and refused to go anyplace that I could not, if i had to, walk home from. It was months before I could look at an airplane again and think of getting on it.

That's my story - there are millions of stories. Couragous men and women and young people helping, digging out, comforting. Thousands of people who lived and worked there - businesses which closed, people who lost their jobs. People who lost their fathers, their mothers, their sons and their daughters. And for what? For an idea- an idea that was worth more, to some people, than other people's lives.

And so the world goes. We wander through trying to make sense of it, and look for God, or reason, or sense, or randomness - we look for meaning. But there is only one meaning I can see.

We are more than one - we are here to be with each other. Every death is a tragedy. Every person is me.

If we do not learn to live together, we will surely die together. And so what is the result of 9/11 for everyone? It is Fear. It is War. It is Death and Destruction. It is Loss of Liberty, loss of Freedom, and loss of Hope.

To those who did this there is nothing to say - fanaticism is a disease for which we as yet have no cure.

To those who suffered - who lost loved ones, their lives, their possessions, their minds, their hope- what can we say?

So at 8:46 am EDT we will stand in silence for a minute and hope - hope to remember and hope to do better.

It is all we know.

Jesus said it best- "love one another, as I have loved you." It is all we need. Too bad we haven't learned to do it yet. Perhaps someday we shall.

Love,

Gabe

Griefing

Ok, it is time for this to stop. The question is, how-

All of Dreamland was griefed yesterday - here is how it looked at our home - Safe Harbor -

For those who don't know griefing is the harrassment of others - especially by trying to make life unlivable on their land. sometimes it is a specific hate crime - griefing gay people, sometimes it is just general - griefing everybody.

Don't know what this was - seems to be griefing gay people - it was pridelands that seemed to get the brunt of it.

the problem is, how do we stop it? this particular individual - if we can call him/her that - created an account, griefed, and deleted the account all in one afternoon.

So it is hard. So long as Second Life is open to all griefing will be a possiblity.

But there is a way to stop it - it is risky but it can work. Linden Labs knows the login IP address of the griefer - it is in the login logs. So the griefer's rl identity is known.

Think about that griefers - what if it were published- Joe Moake at 3293 Asshole Drive is a griefer. Phone number. Where you work.

Do we want to see that happen - no - we don't. But maybe that it can will help to stop the griefing.

Esmie made a hideaway in the sky

If you haven't seen pictures of it, go to Esmie's blog (linked on the right). He put it up in the sky over Safe Harbor. It is awesome - so mysteriously romantic and beautiful in the moonlight, hanging in the sky with the lighthouse light moving across it rhythmically.

Esmie and I hang and talk there - he put a wonderful cuddle from Pillow Talk in the crook of the tree - here are some pics.

The garden itself is shown better on Esmie's blog. It is a wonderful place.

Thanks Esmie- I love you. here are the pics

My new profile pic - Esmie is a great photographer

Look - my new profile pic - so much nicer than before.

Esmie did it for me - he will do yours too either for SL or for blogging or for whatever - he is awesome and so good with photoshop.

It is a business he is starting - so let Esmie take your pic and make it ready - it's awesome.

thanks esmie.

Smooches - I love you and I love my new pic.

Jamie's new blog -

Esmie pointed out that our good friend (mate - England talk) Jamie has a new blog. the link is now in my links - Thanks Esmie.

Welcome to Blogland Jamie - a big hug and kiss and here is the link:

jamiecheeky.blogspot.com

Posting to the Blog

well - first of all - Esmie said it is time for me to start posting to my blog again - so - here we go. I am going to be posting to my blog again. Thanks - keep your sets tuned here folks. tape at 11.





And here is a very sexy picture of Esmie - well two actually - and I think these photos put an end forever to the "what is sexy" conversation - you are looking at it. ROTFL














Thanks Esmie - Gabe gives Esmie a big smooch.



By the Way - there are a number of people who have helped to keepd me together over the past three weeks - well longer than that -


You know who you are guys - and a gal - but -

i will post for each of you individually as time goes on.

But for the record, I wouldn't have made it through without:

(in no particular order - Please - I can't order greatness and love)

Mak
Simon
Esmie
Nicho
Steph
Jamie
Celty
Masa
Dave
My Mom
My Sister
My Nephew Little Gabe
and my newest friend Ami.

All of you spent hours holding me and kissing me and comforting me and talking to me and loving me and I have to say I would be burnt toast if it weren't for you.

And special thanks to Jay and Other Micah.

Smooches Smooches Smooooches

Anyway - more later

Enjoy the sexy pictures

(Oh, by the way - I have really nice tattoos now - (Esmie picked them out for me) - next post -photos of my new Tat's.)


I will post about you all in a future post.

See Esmie- I am posting to the blog again.

more about alts

Well I said it would be a complicated topic and start a conversation - and I think it has. Esmie raised a wonderfully good point - and now we are faced with the quesiton of how far we go to limit freedom of expression if at all.

Let's take a look as some of the issues -

The US and Europe have very different takes on Freedom of Speech. If you go to the Anne Frank House in Amsterdam (and if you haven't and have been to Amsterdam you should be ashamed of yourself and if you haven't been to Amsterdam you should think about how you could get to go) (RL Amsterdam ROTFL) you will have seen the room where they raise these questions through a series of videos - to limit speech to protect a minority or to allow freedom of speech. The US consititution is very clear - except for speech which incites riot or which causes harm directly people can say what they want. After all, who will decide what is ok? And if your team decides today, who knows what team or party will be in power tomorrow - perhaps one that hates you.

On the other hand the EU is very clear - speech which demeans a group of people is illegal.

So - what to do with Alts. Are they Free Speech - or are they individuals who are engaging in acts which have consequences.

Interesting - it depends on whether or not you think SL is a game.

Esmie and I have talked and we agree - SL is NOT a GAME. It is real people having real relationships with other Real People.

Well - then - what does this mean? It means that when I do something in SL to you - I have to be as accountable as I am in RL for the consequences of my actions. And if I harm you - hurt you - then I have to be accountable for that. And to whom am I accountable - well - that's another thorny problem. Certainly to my community, whatever that may be, and to you, and to myself. SL is resident created - and LL puts very little limitation on speech and activity. So it is up to us.

Now we don't want to spend a lot of time developing rules and laws. It wouldn't be right - that's not who comes here - constitutionlists for the most part. So how to see this. It is a problem.

The famous German philosopher and educator and architect and artist Rudoph Steiner said it well I think in what he termed the Fundamental Social Law - which is :

‘The well-being of a community of people working together will be the greater, the less the individual claims for himself the proceeds of his work, i.e. the more of these proceeds he makes over to his fellow-workers, the more his own needs are satisfied, not out of his own work but out of the work done by others’.

So what do we do to implement this if we want to. Well we could interpret it as follows:

The well being of a group of people is improved the more each person works for the happiness and well being of each of his fellows and allows them to work for his.

Esmie also raised the question - "What is Sexy?" in his blog. So let's look at that also - what is sexy sex or what is sexy love making?

Well - hmm - same thing. If you are about your own pleasure then what are you really doing - it has a name and begins with M although in slang in the US it begins with J and in England with a W. ROTFL. If you are concentrating on your own pleasure - well - that's what is happening. Good love making- in my opinion - that is SEXY - is all about the other person. I don't have to concentrate on me at all - if I concentrate on you - and you concentrate on me - that is making love. The rest is well, jack-o-wanking - a new term i just made up on the spot.

How many of us had the experience of having sex with someone in SL who was all about his own xcite bits, or his own timing, or his own pleasure. What a bore. But when I am with someone who emotes, and concentrates on me - well - then I feel them, taste them, touch them - sense them - and when it finally happens for me because of them doing the same - well - -that's sexy.

So it seems to be true in everything - it isn't about what I need - it is about what you need. If I am on the case of what you need, and you on the case of what I need, and all of us on the case of what each of the others needs - well - a community of real caring forms.

Against this we can look at the intention of creating an Alt - and how it affects all the people around us. Is it created for selfish reasons? How does it help my family and friends?

What do you all think?

On Alts, Griefing and Nastiness in general

SL is a wonderful place but it has its rotten side. Alts are one of the most rotten of the rotten.

By virtue of the way that Linden Labs has set up account creation alts are a part of SL. There is a provision that prevents making more than three accounts from any single IP address but that is crap. Almost all residential users of SL have dynamic IP addresses - so their IP address changes all the time. Thus it is possible to set up as many accounts as a person wants - both paid premium accounts and free basic accounts.

What does this mean? It means trouble - big trouble. Why? Because it means that although you are the same person at the keyboard side of the computer, you can be many people on the SL side of the machine. Which means you can escape accountablility for your actions. Nasty - Nasty - Nasty.

I am going to make a number of posts about this - I think it is extremely important. But let's look first at some of the implicaitons. You can try on all kinds of things that your friends would find reprehensible, without them knowing it is you. Think of the most effective disguises-Alts are better. You can be a compassionate healer in one avi and a serial murder in another - and your friends in either know nothing of your other life.

This sucks.

You can lie, steal, and decieve, and you can't be held accountable. This sucks.

You can create free accounts and grief, threaten and be unfaithful. And in one avi you can condemn yourself in the other avi. How bizzare.

Nicho was hanging with me at home while Esmie was away and we were griefed - two of the ugliest avi's I have ever seen came and threatened him with sexual assault. They were basic accounts - anyone could create them in a few minutes. I filed an abuse report, but there is no way to know who they were or how many accounts they had. You can ban one alt and two more can be created in five minutes. Sucks Sucks Sucks

Are there good uses for alts? perhaps, but not if they can not be linked to their primary avi's. Sorry that is my opinion - I know others disagree. But for me SL is a way to communicate - so YOU whoever you are must be true to YOU. Communicate - not deceive. And that means you are who you are - and your avi has to own up to it.

There has to be accountability in life - otherwise there is no ethical standard against which to live.

So sorry - I think it is wrong. I know people who have avi's they use to work things out - and it gives me pain each time i see them. I want to see my friends for who they are. If I can't acccept all of what they are in one Avi - then I am not much of a friend. And if they can't show me all of who they are in one Avi - then they are not much of a friend.

Argue with me - I will look forward to it. Until then I wish Linden Labs would find a way to stop multiple avi creation. It sucks.

Moving Forward -

Well, it is now exactly a week since I posted the news of Micah and my breakup - a week since Micah made the final decision to leave and not be married to me anymore.

It has been a torementing week for me. I had promised myself to this man for the rest of my life - you who have been faithful readers know what I felt and said - that I love this man and that I wanted nothing more in life than to be with him.

And he is gone - this is painful.

But everyone needs to move on - myself included. The quesiton is how?

There are wounds which never heal, and there are scars which never disappear completely. We learn to live with them and we muddle on through our lives until something new comes along - but the scars and the wounds remain.

I wouldn't want to leave my last post to you, my readers, without you knowing that this is a period of great pain - after all, I have shared with you many many periods and moments of great joy. What kinds of friends would you be if I didn't share with you the pains.

So I want to thanks my good friends who have helped me to carry on through this first week - and I want to thank them each individually and all together.

My brother Mak and my brother-in-law Simon
My best friend Esmiel and my wonderful friend and his partner Nicho
My good friend Masahiro
My good friends Jamie and Celty
My SL Mom - Kat
My good friends from Alter Ego- Jay and Other Micah
and my new friend Ami who, for some reason, seems taken with me.

I can say this - these events are hard. It it hard to go from being told every day that you are the most desireable man in the world to total silence. I suppose there is no good way to end this post but to say

Thanks to all who have helped me through this - I am not done yet though. I feel emotions rise and fall and I don't remember buying a ticket on the roller coaster. I don't even like roller coasters. I hate roller coasters - they make me want to throw up ROFL.

I feel strange - like I got screwed but didn't have any fun. I suppose everyone feels this way sometimes.

I advise everyone to listen to REM- Everybody Hurts Sometimes.

It is my song for today - perhaps for a while.

Ok- enough self pity.

If anyone has the timetable for the moving on train - please send it to me. LOL

Thanks.

(signed) the rock star formerly known as gabe - ROTFL

A Notice of Major Personal Importance to Me and Micah - Please Read

To all my faithful readers:

For a number of months now I have been writing about my marriage to my husband, Micah Michinaga, and the wonderful relationship we have experienced together.

Micah and I have been together for almost 8 months. We met at Christmas last year, and began to live together in January, and were married in May. We have been through good times and tough times, through sickness and health.

It has been a wonderful and loving time. Now, however, it must change.

On Monday, July 23, 2007 Micah and his long-time partner (actually high school sweetheart) Eric were joined together as Civil Domestic Partners as part of the first group to be so joined in the State of Washington. They stood with hundreds of gay couples and pledged their faithfulness and troth to each other.

Micah and Eric are now married. I have known Eric since Micah and I were married, and I love him. He makes my puppy very happy, and that makes him aces in my book. But Micah’s marriage to Eric changes everything.

Micah's and my marriage in Second Life was a little unusual. It was extraordinarily intense and filled with commitment and loving interaction. It was said on many occasions by our friends that we were inseparable, and that we had something magical and unusual. But that now has to belong only to Micah and Eric – it cannot be divided up and have it make any sense.

With great happiness and with great sadness I have to announce that Micah and I will be moving on to go our separate ways. We remain friends – great friends, and I will always love and care for and about Micah and he for me. But the pledge of fidelity and exclusivity that we have in our marriage belongs now only with Eric for Micah and so I must move along. And so must Micah and so must our marriage and our relationship.

Micah and Eric went on a three week honeymoon to Greece where they ate and danced and drank wine and made love in ancient cities. They return committed completely to each other with plans for a formal marriage ceremony in December near the Christmas Holidays. And so they are saying goodbye to those relationships that they had before and clearing the way for a new life together now. And while Micah and I changed each other’s lives in wonderful ways over the past 8 months, it is time for that itself to change.

So join me as I raise a glass of champagne and toast to Micah and Eric and wish them happiness and joy and a long and wonderful marriage. Join with me in dancing in celebration of their love. Wherever you are – raise your glass and your voice to say Congratulations to them.

For myself, there are also many changes. I will write about them in due course but this post is about Micah and Eric.

Micah – I love you puppy – I am glad you accepted my Santa Hat those many months ago and I am glad you shared my Second Life and let me share yours for so long. I celebrate all we have meant to each other and how much we have helped each other to grow and change along the way.

Now and forever Micah I am your friend and am for you. And now I must add, I am for you and Eric.

Be well – grow strong together – never forget – Love does not falter – it does not turn its face away – it does not shy away from the hard tasks and the difficult places. Every day and in every moment – support each other and remember - it is your love that brings you together – and it is your love which will carry you always.

I love you both.

Esmie did post to his blog

Ok, Esmie did have time to post to his blog. I didn't see it before. But I am leaving mine up. I like it.

Gabe waves at everyone.

Esmie went off to London

Esmie went off to London - he wanted to put a post on his blog but he went off to the bus and I don't think he had time. His folks' PC is not working so he may not be able to blog or log into SL or communicate very well with his friends so he asked me to let everyone know.

He isn't sure when he is coming back - he left his return ticket open - because - well - Alfie is really missing him and anxious to see him. And Esmie is missing Alfie and really anxious to see him. So - both of them are missing each other and want to see each other and- after all - isn't that the best way?

I could write a whole lot more about Esmie and Alfie - they have the most wonderful relationship - caring and loving one to the other - taking care of each other - it is wonderful to see. But I will make that a special post - this is about how Esmie won't be around SL for a while.

Have fun in London Esmie - enjoy being back home (Esmie grew up in London - that's why his parents are there - LOL). Have fun with Esmie Alfie - (Alfie grew up in London too - that's where they met in HS - DUH!!!)

(Alfie isn't Alfie's real name by the way - a long time ago I said to Esmie - "I can't keep saying 'your real life boy friend,' it is way too long to say - how about we give him a name?" We settled on "Alfie" and it stuck. So Alfie - consider a legal name change ROTFL!)

Anyway - Esmie left about 3 and 1/2 hours ago for the bus. I hope he made it and is now on the bus and has his pillow and is comfortably curled up next to the window and has a nice person sitting next to him.

If you want to get any messages to Esmie send them to me. He is going to email me from London and I am going to email him - so I will pass along any messages you want to send (if they are polite - if they aren't polite you can expect me to spit at you LOL).

Have a great time Esmie and Alfie - do fun things in London - eat good food - and relax and cuddle and ... well... that's all for now folks. :)

Respectfully submitted by Gabe for his best pal - Esmie

here are some pics of me and Esmie chatting in the treehouse

Well - I seem to be into putting up pictures - here is a group from a chat Esmie and I had last weekend. I love talking with Esmie - he is kind and good and a wonderful listener and he always has good advice to give.

and while we are at it - here are pics of Jamie and Celty

I told you about Jamie and Celty - they are good firends of mine. They have been with me through a lot and I hope to say we will be together for a long time to come.

Here are some pictures of them. They are grand.

OK - Correction - Mak isn't leaving on Friday Esmie is though

Ok, I was wrong. Mak is not leaving on Friday - Esmie is - but Mak is leaving on Wednesday next.

And - Simon is locked out of SL because his cable connection is down.

I am sure this has been fascinating for everyone. So here is a nice pic to make this post worthwhile.

And yes, in case you didn't notice - that is - once again - my butt.

ROTFL

Scuba Diving with Esmie

First off - check out Esmie's Blog for more about scuba diving - we went this morning and it was awsome and so much fun. We found the most amazing SIM - Italian with an underwater volcano and all kinds of fish and wildlife - and - a galleon - a beautiful ship with all kinds of things to do - private rooms - and more.

Esmie was captured by pirates and chained to the mast - I had to free him - and while I did it they captured me and he had to free me. But we got away and went on to explore. We escaped a giant squid and the dangers of the volcano - you'll see -

Here are some pictures of me and Esmie in the water - exploring. For some reason the scuba stuff took my hair off - so only the last picture has my regular hair. I hope you enjoy the pictures as much as we liked taking them.

Thanks Esmie - it was awsome fun.
(Waving at Esmie)

Scuba Diving

Jamie and Celty and Canterbury took me scuba diving off Boots' Mission Beach - oh my - what an experience. I haven't had this much fun in SL for a long time - well... but ok.

Jamie got me the outfit, that was so nice of him.Celty also got me a gaming HUD for the game Tiny Empires that Esmie was talking about - but I don't know if I will be able to work it all out. I suck at those things. Jamie and Celty are great pals and I can't tell you how many scrapes they have gotten me out of. Jamie will never let a friend down, and Celty can fix anything - no matter what it is. I love them to bits.

I was so jazzed by the scuba diving that I immediately got sets for Mak and Simon and Esmie so we can go. I'll get one for Micah when he gets back - he has been away on holiday in Italy.
Boots had put all kinds of salvage on the ocean bottom off the beach - ships and things - so scuba diving was awsome.

Sorry I didn't take pictures- I was too jazzed. When we all go back I'll take a bunch.
Cheers (more England English). Hehe

Mak is going to California and beyond and Esmie is going to London

Well - Mak is only going for a holiday - he is going to visit his sister.
He is going to have a great time - I am sure - they are going to drive up through Northern California and stay wherever they can - camp out or find motels and hotels. He will relax - it will be so different from London.

But - I will miss him. No Mak? Not possible. Who is going to say "Hi Angel" to me in the morning and to whom am I going to say "Hi Muffin"? And give a goodmorning kiss on his nose?

Now what else - Esmie is also going away. He is going to London to see his BF!!! Now who is going to say "Hi Gabie" to me when I log in - and hug me and give me a hello kiss????

They both leave on Friday.

But, Whew!!!!! - Simon will be here -so we'll be good - Simon and I. We will have each other. We are both going to miss Mak and I am going to miss Esmie too (Simon will too - he loves Esmie but I see Esmie every day). Simon will continue to teach me to speak English (as in England) - I am practicing because I am going to move there some day. (Well I would like to - all my best friends (all my best mates - sorry) are in England (excpet Esmie but he comes from London and is now in Scotland - so - same island). I have to learn to speak like a native.

And, Simon is teaching me to speak Welsh too. Amazing - do you know how to say I am going to bed in Welsh - "I am going to my gwelly". I love Welsh.

Oh well - Mak will be on IM from California and Esmie always finds a way to log in from London so it won't be too terrible. But I'll miss you - I'll miss you both so much.

Have a great time guys. Send me a postcard and some pics.

OK - Here is a real problem

Well, you may not think it is a problem but - maybe it is - who knows.



Esmie is - if you have been reading my blog and his you know this - my best mate. Along with my brother Mak and my brother (in-law) Simon and Steph - not counting my husband Micah of course -Esmie is my closest family - my friend - always there for me - and I for him.



Now Esmie is getting into a game - a RP game in SL called Tiny Empires.



So what is the problem? Well - I am not a gamer. (whew - major confession there for me). I don't even own a gaming system - no X-box, no PS2, no gameboy- no nothing. I am not a gamer. Never owned one.



And my best friends are all going to be involved in this game. Esmie is getting into it with Jamie and Celty who are my great pals, and they will be all wrapped up in it 24/7 - you can be sure.

What the F do I do? I could try to play but i would embarass myself and them - trust me - I suck at it big time. So they are going to be lost in the game - I am going to be a football widow.



I think I had better try to learn to play - but I am going to need a lot of help guys. I really do suck at it - and I have no patience.



Oh dear - see - its a problem.


Anyone have any advice? I should get a hobby - do they do quilting in SL? ROTFL

Esmie - I'll play - I'll be your peasant - but I don't know if I can figure out how to get gold for you. How about if I sing and am the court Bard. Would you take care of me then?

:)

The Situation Gets Out Of Hand

Please - before you read this or after you read it or whatever- read Esmie's blog - which is linked in my profile on the right. He has already posted about this and what he says is right on the money - as always. See Esmie's post - "This is getting out of control!!" on August 4. (Gabe gives Esmie a big smile and a kiss.)

Voice is a wonderful thing - and of course SL has to roll it out - new technology is always important. But there are places where Voice Chat causes people to feel left out, and there Voice should not be the norm.

There are lots of reasons why people might not want to do Voice - perhaps, as has happened, some people are hearing impaired, and listening to voice is not possible for them or confusing. They are then not part of conversations which are taking place, and that is wrong.

Perhaps someone doesn't speak English very well, or understand spoken English, but does well with written English understanding and the time to type something that conveys their meaning.

Perhaps someone just doesn't want to cross the RL/SL barrier and wants to be able to continue to chat as we always have.

There are dozens of reasons.

The bottom line is that some places need to be places for everyone to be equal - and Boots' Beach is and was one. And there is no one - not a single one of the people that Esmie talks about - who doesn't owe at least a part of his life - his SL - to Boots and Shawn.

Who was there when you were a Newbie - Boots and Shawn and the Bums. Who was there when you broke up your first SL relationship - Boots and Shawn and the Bums. Who was there when you needed to know how to buy land, or rent a house, or fly, or rez an object - Boots and Shawn and the Bums.

But - the glittering crowd has no memory for relationships - they have only the pleasure of their immediate moment in the sun - in the spotlight.

Sorry guys, your voices aren't so sweet that they make me cum when I hear them. And your comments to my friends are so nasty and repulsive that I don't know what to say.

There are ways to make a point, and there are ways not to make a point.

You chose to get on the wrong bus. Your points were made in an abusive way - you have no right to tell Boots and Shawn what to do on their own land or to say nasty things to our friends.

You want to go off and do your thing - do it quietly. Not abusively. You have said things - not all of you but many of you - that have hurt people I love. That's not ok.

Do you owe the Bums an apology. You Bet!!

Will you offer it - who knows.

Is the beach suffering because you left (some people actually told Boots and Shawn that their departure would destroy the beach) - not a bit.

It- the beach - is like it used to be - quiet and comfortable and a fun place for old friends to welcome newcomers.

Sorry guys - I am afraid I don't think you chose well - I don't think you acted responsibly or nicely - and in the end - that is a shame.

Isn't there enough of this "In Crowd" vs "Out Crowd" in RL? Did we really need to import it into SL? Is that what we are paying monthly access and tier for - for this crap?

To all my friends at Boots - to Boots and Shawn and the Bums - all of you

smoooooooooochhhhhhhh

My God - it has been a long time

Well - it's been a long time since I made a post to this blog. A lot has happened in the interim, and I have been working through a number of personal things - so I haven't said anything here. Sorry guys.

And I actually am not saying anything now - rotfl.

I will soon, but I am still trying to figure out a few thorny things I need to figure out - and decide what to do about a couple of things. When I figure them out I either will or won't put them here - well - that's life.

So instead, here are some pictures. I thought you might like them.

Love to all,

Gabe

Yes - these are shameless pictures of my butt.

ROTFL.

As I said - I am working through a few things - these are place holders until I come back.

cuddle and kiss with Micah - you and me by pillow talk

When Micah and I want to cuddle we turn to poses that are gentle and sweet.

Sandy Clymer is the owner and developer of Pillow Talk pillow poses - some of the nicest pose devices in SL. One of the really nice things about them is the gentle way they let you stand - some poses are very rough on standing.

Sandy has developed some amazing poses in the past - one of them - "complete me" is particularly awesome - it has three settings with one person sitting on the other one's lap facing each other. There is a beginning kiss and a final collapse on the neck of the seated partner - the intermediate pose has some interesting movements - I will leave that to your imagination - but kiss - moves (?) then - collapse - do the math!!

And now there is a new one - "me and you" and then "you and me" - they are the same - the only difference is who is "driving" - who has control of the animation. It has a very gentle cuddle and then a very sweet and loving kiss - it is not explicit and anyone can feel comfortable using it anywhere.

Micah and I tried it today and bought some. Here are photos of Micah and me exploring this very lovely pillow today - I bought them this morning. I think everyone would enjoy having this pillow.