Our friend Sterling died over the weekend. Sterling was Dej’s husband – and it was expected but none the less a loss to us all. Sterling had Muscular Dystrophy – and so he was severely incapacitated during the latter stages of his disease. SL and his marriage to Dej made all the difference in the world.
I think that people who aren’t part of the Second Life family don’t understand what love means to us in SL. It is hard to appreciate how real it can be.
Dej and Sterling were a part of the Beach Bums family – the group of gay men who gather round Boots’ Beach in Provincetown. More about Boots and Shawn in a later post – but for most of us – Boots’ Beach was the first home we had in SL – and perhaps the first home we ever had. Gay people don’t come from gay families – finding a real family and home means belonging – and that is what Boots’ Beach is about. The Bums are a family.
Many of us move away – get homes – get married – but the beach and the Bums are always a part of our hearts. Sterling and Dej were family – and so we all suffer the loss.
Many gay people find love in SL – for different reasons. Maybe someone is disabled – and SL is the only way he can express his love. Maybe someone is afraid – or exploring his sexuality for the first time.
Sometimes people find love without meaning to – they come for some other reason and find someone – and that becomes love.
Marriage in the gay community of SL is like that – and Dej and Sterling had a wonderful marriage.
Sterling will be missed –but he lives on in the memories of all his friends and all the Bums. When we experience a loss like this – all of us – it makes us stop and think about who we are and what we want from life. Sterling found Dej and Dej found Sterling and that makes SL worthwhile. It is a home.
Marriage – vows – they are real – whether in real life or second life. SL is about real feelings and real people. Sterling’s death makes me remember that.
2 comments:
Thanks for posting this, Gabe. I didn't know Sterling very well, but I recognise what you're saying about how important SL becomes to the people who use it. Friendships here are real, and the sort of people who look down on residents and belittle their relationships are probably the sort of people I wouldn't want to hang with in real life.
The Bums are family, as you say, and Sterling will be genuinely missed by the people who knew him. If Dej is reading this, I extend my sympathies to him, and send him a warm hug.
I have to say thanks to my brother - Mak - he is always right and always on target - he is my rock. Feelings are feelings - no matter what the medium - and Love is Love - and Pain is Pain. We are who we are in every life - and we owe those with us the same love and respect no matter how we meet.
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