Christmas Post 2 - Becoming Friends Again

 

Well - Chesie and I are friends again.  It took a couple of weeks to get comfortable with each other - that's not surprising - there were a lot of emotions running around through both of us.  It was an intense relationship and so it needed some time to find a new balance.  I am very glad though- I love Chesie and want us to be friends - I am happy we are.

Chesie is building a new house for himself over on Maupiti - one of our islands - a very nice house since Chesie is a great builder.  It is nice to stop over now and then to say HI, give him a kiss, get his opinion on my latest shopping for myself disaster, see how he is doing.  This morning I showed him my "return to neko island" look - it is rather a disaster i think - and Chesie was very nice.  He said - "well it is a bit extreme - sort of "bang - I'm here - but nice."  Hmmm - i think i should tone it down a bit.  I'll put a pic right here so you can advise.  Let me know what you think.

 

Speaking of love affairs and partnerships finding their way back to friendships, it is in the natural order of things - when something stops, there is a bit of a throwing around of stuff inside.  think of a car hitting a wall and stopping.  it is a jolt.  but hopefully the air-bags deploy and everyone gets out safely, hugs and kisses and makes sure no bones are broken, and then gets on the bus after the tow truck pulls the car away.

As Christmas continues to draw near, it is nice to reflect on that.  Love is what is important - not how you express it but just that you feel it and show it to the people about whom you care.

The fourth Sunday in Advent is coming - Christmas is almost here.  Can't you just taste the egg-nog :)

More on Love and Partners, Family and Friends as Christmas Draws Near

 

Let me not to the marriage of true minds (Sonnet CXVI)

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
   If this be error and upon me proved,
   I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

	-- William Shakespeare

I never took anyone out of my picks - or out of this blog,  just  because we are no longer together as lovers or partners.  That's not what love is about. 

Love does not disappear.  The people whom I have loved are still the finest people I have known - they are there for me when I need them.

And they are dear to me - as dear as anyone in my life.  They are the beating of my heart and the pulsing of my blood.  I would never want to be without them, even if love changes its form.

As life develops and as we grow, the people with whom we have shared passion and caring, love and concern, they don't leave us.  We may have had our problems, but in the end, I know that they will be by my side if I need them.  And they know that of me.

The people I have listed in my posts over time - Esmie and Nicho and Micah and Mak and Simon and Kat and Masa and Jamie and Celty - they are the true wealth that sustains you.  Their love moves with you through troubles, through hard times.  Even if life changes, their love does not.

As we move towards Christmas, as we traverse the journey that Advent represents, as we await like children the coming of the light and presents and food and eggnog and sweets and celebration, it is good to remember the real gift we celebrate  - the love of friends and family. 

Like the aphorism over the doorway of the Chapel by the Sea in SL that Mason Fredriksson built - "Unbidden, the Lord is present" - so too without having to ask, the love of these friends is given.  They are the manifestation of what the love of God would mean to us - in their hearts is the true meaning of spirit and divinity. 

If you are lucky enough to have that in your life, it's not something  you give up or toss away.  It is something you cherish for as long as you live.

Some thoughts on the question of ex-partners and friendships

 

Well first off people need to know that Chester and I are not partners anymore.  He told me a couple of days ago that he needed space, and it turned into our dissolving the partnership and him moving out.  Oh well, but I am still his friend and wish him the best - I hope he continues to do well and to be happy.

That led me to thinking.

People wonder sometimes about what happens when someone you love cannot, for some reason, be your partner or your spouse any longer.  This is a common problem in Second Life, where relationships don't always last. 

And friends and family also rush to the aid of one or the other partner, and so animosities build up.  This is not good.  Ugly breakups are just that - Ugly. We should try to keep them from being that.

Sure, when our feelings are hurt, we sometimes take pleasure in seeing or hearing those close to us challenge the person who is hurting us.  Sometimes those hurts are horrid, and intentional.  Sometimes they are unavoidable.  Sometimes they are just a personal sadness that things didn't work out.

In the midst of it we are not very clear.  We forget in those moments sometimes why we partnered in the first place.  Hurt gets in the way.  Or the pain of having to do a hard thing.

I have had two ex-partners.  One was formally a partner, one not.  One was with me for two intense and wonderful weeks, and one for 8 months of excitement and pleasure.  When each relationship broke up I was devastated.  I couldn't believe I would survive, and my family and friends had all they could do to hold me together.

They are both two of my most important people now - both of them people I love and cherish and would never want to hurt or see hurt.  Interesting - no one knows you like an ex-lover.  No one has the key to your heart in the same way.

Esmie was my first love in SL, and he is my best friend now.  When we split up I truly thought I would die.  I was so shattered.  I love Esmie now - I couldn't possibly live my life without him.  He is there to pick me up when I stumble.  He is there to hold my head when it hurts.  I love him, I love his partner Nicho, I love them both together.  Without Esmie I would be lost.

Micah was my second love.  I lived and breathed Micah for 8 months.  When Micah left I was so depressed that it was all I could do to breathe.  My friends and family all held me together and slowly I was able to work it through.  And in the end, I can say truthfully that I love Micah more than ever now, but in a different way.  He is there for me and I am there for him.  The love between us is stronger.  I would be lost without him too.

In this most recent time, my family has gathered round me and I am so grateful and feel so fortunate to have them. 

Mak and Simon - my SL brother and my brother-in-law - or my two brothers - are there with their arms around me in good times and in bad.  Where would I be without Simon and Mak - lost somewhere wandering.  Kat - my adopted SL mom - never fails to love me and to guide me.  Nicho and Esmie fly to my side, and care about and for me without stopping, and Micah holds my well being in his heart and is there when i am down- lifting me up. 

Mak and Simon, Kat, Esmie and Nicho, and Micah - they have formed the bedrock of my support - they love me and I love them, and they are allowed to yell at me when I am stupid and to hold me when I hurt, and they all do it with love and caring that is amazing.  I love them all, and couldn't live without them.  They keep me sane.

We learn from these experiences.  And we grow from them too, and the hurting doesn't last forever, even though we think it will.

That's all I can think of to say at the moment.  I am still more or less in the middle of my feelings about this.  But I wanted to let you all know. 

Chesie and I are friends now.  And over time I hope he will be as close to me as Esmie and Micah are - when the dust settles and when we both realize that love doesn't stop, it just changes.

My Goodness - It's been a long time

Well, it has been a long time since I posted to the blog.  Exactly one month, actually.  Chesie put up a post to his blog so it got me thinking - time to update the news.

Since Chesie and I were partnered exactly one month ago - November 7 - a month ago yesterday - life has been wonderful.  Chesie is the sweetest and warmest partner - I love him very much and spend hours with him while he builds.  We sit together and I do my work - and he does his - and we cuddle and keep company together.  I have more or less given up my neko look, but I love kissing Chesie's neko ears - and licking his nose - and rubbing his tummy.

Here is Chesie:

 

I can snuggle with him for hours.  :)

 

So here is the news:

1.  Chesie built us a new house - he got tired of the old one so he built a new one - in less than 24 hours.  He is amazing.  It is very South Pacific - a style he likes - the house is in many different buildings - you walk on wooden walkways from one part to the other - it is very outdoors.  I love it - I haven't bumped into anything in a long time :) although I do still get lost trying to find the kitchen.

2.  Chesie is building full time for CNDG.  The newest project is almost done - Mak and Chesi and Nicho are all building, Esmie is the assistant manager - helping Kat who is the general manager, and the builders are working under RJ who is the master builder and designer.  I just watch - having no talent - and keep the bank :).  it is awesome.

3.  Christmas is coming - Esmie and Nicho are having a party, our house is decorated for christmas, and the season's spirits are starting to rise.  It's too early for a formal Christmas post but there will be one soon.

Here are some recent pictures - i hope you like them.

 

Sitting with Chesie while he builds the new house

 

Construction Equipment in the build sandbox

 

And here are some of the new house all set up for Christmas.  I don't know if you can see the trains under the tree but they toot as they go around :)

 

 

 

More to come -

Thanks Chesie - it is a really wonderful house.

I love you Wallaby.

:)